tumbling down
This morning was enjoyable and I decided to sustain that with a stop at an old favorite for a final coffee. I used to come to Time Coffee just about every day. It was here I met my friend Russell years ago. We would talk life, philosophy, our times. It always seemed fitting. Like each of our times while completely different compelled us to join together for coffee and words. One of very few expats here I felt comfortable talking to.
So here I am again after a nice bagel. A stop not needed but desired. The house lately has been too much of too many things. Too many people that seem to always be around. Doing whatever things family does. The tiring part is the presence. I realized I would rather have the dogs. They seem genuinely easier but still very demanding little critters. People, on the other hand, talk. And talk more. Social media talks. Phones talk. People stop by. There is no “why” to it. Holidays bring them on.
So today I knew I would be gone. It would be a stop for me at Time. Time to have time. To write. I gues to be alone in the crowd of Khmer people that now seem to gather here. Soon though it will be me. Me walking. Finding these little side streets from here to just find the down time. The time of me and trees and tall walls. That concrete or dirt road that lets me feel I am stretching. Reaching. Maybe not achieving. I don’t measure my life any more by goals or achievements. I’ve tumbled down from that need. Seems we spend a good portion of our lives measuring. Maybe we come up shy. Find that wall by the street too tall to see over. So I have an answer that works for me,
Stop fucking trying
Just take what each moment has to give and find that lonely path perhaps as Edward Abbey said. He was that loner spirit. That walker of slick rock deserts. And he always spoke but sometimes it took some listening and reading. Others came and went too. Some lost forever to us like the artist Everett Ruess. Lost to that desert but rich in the soul of life.
Don’t fear not achieving
There’s no doing it wrong. Tobe on YouTube once said doing it wrong is still doing it. So many of our life moments are spent worried about the downward trek. Like reaching some moment when someone says “done” and you have little to show. Maybe your car is old. Your money is little. Your times feel tumbling down. My message is don’t. Don’t accept what some country tells you. Find your own way. If I can do it you can. Why accept another persons definition of success. Or even worry if you did it all wrong.
What I wonder more lately is if you have had fun doing it. Wrong or right. Who is to judge. Take a walk. Maybe don’t come back. Who is to judge you. There’s no measurement. No yardstick besides the one you hold.
Finally be gentle with that. I found a way that’s not perfect. What way ever is?
Now I will walk after time. Time at Time Coffee wrapped up in thoughts of being what it is I wish for today. The walk. The hidden little gems. People I can gently let go of for a time. For me it’s this garden of solitude. This place down a road.
You should go. Don’t fear change or you are its victim.
See you.
☕️ 4 min read