Mastodon Michael Perry

welcome to Thursday

Last night our AC decided it was time to simply act up. Our apartment manager we would come to find out had never maintained the AC unit so they called up a service company. Two nice Khmer guys showed up, ripped it apart, fixed filters, replaced things and charged us $10. Of course, this set Alin off. I think I’ve mentioned she tends to be vocal with either good things or bad with people. This was bad. I think she lit into the apartment manager with a justified tirade of how they could rent the apartments out with no real work done.

Perhaps this carried over to our morning coffee after breakfast. She seemed angry or surly or just wanting to talk about things. We got stuck for awhile with the happiness thing. She would ask if I were happy. Why I look sad or introspective. I mentioned this in a blog post before and before I deleted the files, in a daily journal take on things. Today we relived all that and I guess our discussions get strident at times but they end with agreement. She is the most amazing person ever and loving her has been the most wonderful, yet awkward, thing ever but her love back is unquestioning, unlimited, but she does raise issues. And we talk. Sometimes louder. The barista at Moonrise is used to us. He just ignores it all and after we go through all the painful and pleasurable moments, we both settle down and she holds my hand.

We walk back to the apartment and she holds my hand. She says,

Honey I love you. I need you to be with me. I understand you different than us. I don’t want you to change. I want you as you are.

Yesterday was walking too!

I spent some of the morning walking. I just took turns and photos as I went. I shared them on the fediverse already but I particularly liked this one photo for some reason. Perhaps it is the simple geometry of plant and fence in red. There is something solemn yet unlimited in it that appeals to me.

The little things always seem to have some hidden meaning. The red invites the eyes but the green hints even the red can be displaced with something living.

I really like taking macro photos with the iPhone 14 pro. I’ve felt that the iPhone is simply enough for me to find my moments and turn them into memories and experiences. Like this beautiful leaf I found as I went. Something about that incredible detail and wonderful color struck me.

Daily Journals, Diaries, rehashing it all

I wanted to mention this as well. I have been trying to have a journal or diary but today after our morning sometimes strident discussion, it dawned on me walking home, I would be reliving it all yet again so I could put down in words what happened in life. Alin had asked me to just live and enjoy all we do. I thought about this a bit and it seems coming home and reliving it all yet again means I find little points and diatribes. Like some other point stupid or not comes to the fore. The diary writing just lets me relive it all vicariously. And even more because often I would come back and think on it and find even more things. Pretty sure that is not how to live.

So I deleted a few markdown files and promised myself yet again I would not recreate those vicarious emotion builders in my life. I just don’t need to live through things twice. Once is enough. Perhaps in my years of writing a journal I succumbed to this rehashing of all the events and I bet each thing bothered me yet more as I regurgitated the thoughts and feelings and emotions later

In the end Alin kissed me, told me she loved me, touched my face. How to ever replicate that besides having her do it again.

Thanks for reading the little pushes and pulls of my life. I enjoy them all. Jut don’t need a second take on them all. Today will walk and be and do. Find a park bench. Read awhile. Find the moments I need to find.

May 11, 2023