Mastodon Michael Perry

Walking the demons

I think we all are made of various parts of demon and good. Sometimes with me the demon leaks out and I put any wrong foot forward. Words come or anger or defensiveness. I regret it usually after I feel I have gone toward the demon. That hateful and spiteful place we all seem to go when doing human relationships and especially ones with the one person I care so much for and about. Usually the demon goes but the effect remains.

That residual feeling that will stay with me. So I walk in the hot season and sweat. Feel things leak out. Walking regulates me. Makes me find nothing more than the next step. I see that while doing each step there is nothing more required. I can simply be. Warts and all.

Then I realize we all have warts. Yours are assuredly different than mine but we all can find the wart and it’s demon. Hidden in morning words. Left in emotion. Dancing in regret.

We never part in anger. I think we each have our day and then we find a next thing. A fence in Kampot. An island to visit this summer. Perhaps a trip. But in the meantime, relationships are tender and difficult plants to grow. Weeds and warts and demons hide in the bushes. I’m not good at finding them. I just blunder in. Get stung. Feel bad.

But then we go our ways. I have to say it might be easier to dislike someone than love them. One is an instant thing. We decide on a person and perhaps it never changes. Dislike today. And tomorrow.

But this love and like thing. I read somewhere that liking a person is a day to day thing. Loving someone is forever. Perhaps it’s why I still love an ex wife that cheated, turned the kids against me, made hell and warts and demons come back time and again. When it comes to now, love seems fragile sometimes. Like that pink flower Alin would cherish. Yet it’s strong and powerful and made to last. Liking goes away day by day. We can learn to dislike someone. But love is a superpower. With her both poles of existence run the fields.

Now I must go buy some water. Consider the words. Not overthink or underestimate. Just be. That can be hard sometimes. Perhaps I’m trained by western culture to overthink. Find my warts there.

Today though I walked and sweated. I cast out all that and feel pure and good with the hot, hot summer day. It works. Walking works. Soon yoga and meditation have their turn.

Take care. Watch out for your demons.

May 6, 2023