It’s Sunday in Siem Reap and a happy day in my soul. My wife and I talked. She told me of her health issues now plaguing her. We have a deal that she tells the truth about what’s wrong even though she knows it worries me. I sometimes read the worst in things. Lesser times the best. I think it’s a human condition. We expect a person that is dear to us to act and react a certain way. When the way is not forthcoming, doom and gloom overtakes us. We fear the worst. The problem is we cannot understand another ever so even my feeble attempts at second guessing were wrong. Because. I simple cannot look inside her heart.
Today she held my hand. Smiled. Told me she loves me forever. That she needs me. Wants me. I walked away tears glistening my eyes. Lesson learned.
It is tough with a wife from such a different culture. Even though she speaks very good English, i hear what I want to hear. Or am cursed to hear. And the words. And the soul. Her hidden heart. All of it so different yet all the basic things like love and like and holding her hand mean same. Yet different.
So I sit over coffee Sunday. Think on my beautiful wife. Her slender body. Her shape naked and not. And I have photos of both. But the real things are not words or smiles. It is what is left after.
Sunday desires are to walk. To feel pavement slide by. Find steps nurtured by solitude. Stop and read. Write. Do both. The kindle makes it easy to just get the books. Keep them. Find free ones. I’d never go to paper for writing or reading. The idea of buying a pen and paper seems ridiculous to me. I don’t want to fumble with paper, pen, wind blowing it all around. Splotches of ink because I’m left handed. When I want to write I want to get to it. I don’t need some preparation app or thing. I gave up on the Drafts app long time ago. It simply did nothing for me.
Just like reading this Sunday. The idea of carrying some physical books around as I walk seems asinine. I can carry so many. Link on WiFi with my iPhone and get more. And it all travels with me.
So I reached a stopping point. My walk has a few twists and turns on this Sunday. I send my wife animated gifs on WhatsApp telling her she’s sexy and I love her.
Life turned another corner. But unfortunately her health hasn’t. She will go tomorrow for more. She wants to go somewhere with me. We cannot. She is too weak and cannot eat well. The going would benefit her soul but not her body.
So we wait. I wait and soon read again. Sunday is quieter. Desires run deep. But blogging is over.