I started this blogpost a few times yesterday. Maybe in my head and not down like this. A thousand sentences to open and close a thought with. Yesterday was a painful day and it’s too fresh to write those words down. I’ve sat yesterday and wondered if the words would come. How I would write them besides in my head. Doing meditation practice yesterday I felt hit by a thousand and one things each clamoring for it’s time in the sun. My practice is to gently accept things as they are at the moment, find some happiness in it, and then just be. Of course that’s not the way it ever is.
I have things which walk on down and announce themselves and I decide to let them go or take them in. It’s never a blank slate or counting breaths or mumbling words.
Yesterday though was a pit of things. A morass that I knew I could not climb out of. That I must consider. I write this because sometimes the very thing you want to have. Need to have. Feel to have can be perilously close to being taken. Yesterday I found this. It was both saddening and my heart aches for it.
Today later I will walk on it. Think on it at a bench by the river and write more. Let me ask the world out there. Find a spot when I walk later to consider. Give it a day like my mom used to say. My mom was wise in things in so many ways. I remember growing up I wondered sometimes if she were stupid. Later I found out how much she really knew. How did she learn all that so fast? She would counsel me to both go with a first impression and give things that matter a test.
So what is the thing? Something contained in a first impression of a terrible day yesterday or a thing worthy of the taking of time. I always think her “day” was longer or shorter and she knew something which holds a person cannot be decided on the whim of one day.
A week? Month? Year? All arbitrary and capricious measurements of the clock’s merciless sweep. No. It’s not the click clack of time or how I measure it. That is not what my mom meant by giving it a day. I think instead it is giving it the measure it deserves.
For a bit I’m putting this blog down to sleep again. I love writing here but I also am gonna give it a day. Going to find my best days and look at them. Look at now. There is no fancy tag or category for this. Sadness and despair are not companions I wish.
See you later.