Finding things missing in life
I don’t want to just name things which I had once and then missed or not because there have been a few. Some very personal and missed. Others slid by and I hardly noticed their going. One thing I think has been large and I simply did not realize. I have been missing a personal relationship with a woman. My friend K is a friend but we do not have a sexual relationship. I just bring this up because it is hard as one gets older to find meaningful or even casual relationships. I still feel very healthy in physical dimensions but I let the whole thing go for over a decade after marriage. I believed I was not destined to find someone that could or would matter or someone that would enjoy something way more casual but that would delight me. I have found both things recently. I guess it took Cambodia to give me the delight and mystery of this person. The stories of my going cross all borders to me. I write small stories of people and places, share photographs of both sometimes. I also have wanted to talk about more personal things because getting old does not mean becoming stupid or not wanting to have physical relationships.
My main message here is I am glad I did not give this up but somehow just let it go until finding this person almost by accident. This person that happily holds my hand, kisses me, has sex with me, and then spends the night. We go out the next day, have breakfast. Talk about our daughters. Nothing mysterious with this Khmer person. Just someone who needs as well.
The last message is I am so glad I did not really just give up. The feeling of being touched, touching, finding this whole thing has made a difference. Finally, getting old does not mean putting away feelings of an intimate nature. It just has meant repositioning them and sometimes writing in my Day One about the lack. Now I found this delight and with no real commitments besides for each of us to enjoy the moments.
I hope you don’t mind this rather more personal report. It is just part of me. I can write amusing stories of a place walked or a thing seen or people met but there are all the sides of this journey.
Take care all.