Done and done
Yesterday we sat at the pool at the beautiful Ibis Saigon airport hotel. The evening coming on made for wonderful combination photographs.
We did not let that go to waste. Some beers and burgers and much talking about life. About how each of us need and want the other. Love the other.
Soon one round of beer was done and the waiter skipped away to our order for another. I sat staring into these depths of khmer eyes. I’ve found her eyes to be windows not only to her soul. Her heart lives there too. Warm and enticing. Sometimes straight as an arrow shot. This time from her heart I heard how she only had room for a few things to hold above all others there. Her mom is first. I am second. True blood family ranks third.
There was nothing left unsaid or without comment. It was our last day. Last night. Saigon dazzled in a microcosm of views. Alin dazzled me with words. The beer was cold. Waiters attentive but not always present. We ate and drank to ourselves. Our last little moment away doing what we love. Eating and drinking some beer. The talking though moved to so many different places.
I knew then I would get up at 5am and stay awake. I want the last moments in the hotel room with the good wifi and enjoying the comfort. Alin rests in the big king bed. 5am always comes early and sometimes does not leave without one or both of us staying awake. The day will come when hopefully that stops. But this morning it gave me the reason to just stay awake and write here and there. Share a little blog style.
I deleted the RSS app I used and along with it the so many feeds or subscriptions or whatever its called. They just stopped being something to follow or read. Mere collections of words thrown into an app I neither hated or loved. It just was. Kind of like some people I used to know. I wonder sometimes what happened to them. When I deleted Facebook I deleted them too I guess. They all hated on it but used it talk about their hate. I think they all moved on or back or travel in some little galaxies and worlds they spin from the ether of their lives. I’m not privy to those worlds and words.
I also have played with journaling and writing here and there. There is no perfect storm for me writing a personal reflection. So for awhile I decided to just use Day One which seems sometimes antithetical to the rest of my existence. It seems orderly and scheduled and daily. I want away from that. I don’t like order or schedules. Or responsibilities or plans. I think the only way for me to write is without the daily pandering of a Day One. Each thing divided into days but often a thing crosses over to more or less. Day One divides my life into days damn it.
Finally there were a few chats with friends yesterday and last night on WhatsApp. My friend David suffering through a visa denial from Vietnam and worrying whether he was blacklisted from entry. His girlfriend My Oi argued with him. There is a unique thing perhaps with culture differences we found yesterday talking. Words and ideas carry different weights with both My Oi and Alin. I’ve learned expressing an idea as A or B and let’s do B causes problems. Especially if A costs more.
Revolving to now
Now it’s 530am on a last morning. In some hours we head back to the airport. Check through customs and immigration and fly off to Cambodia. My home. My place. I’ll carry all of what Alin said forever in my heart. Her love and belief in us. Her desire to simply be with me and not worry about tomorrows. As I have meditated on many times, there is the simple “being”. Not the having or wanting. She offers a lot of that but often teases me before about doing the yoga and meditation.
Gonna stop now. See everyone in words and deeds back home in Siem Reap.