Distance and People

Since leaving Facebook behind just about all the people I would normally see updates from which I know from work have all but disappeared. Granted I only had 95 friends or so there but a few go back to the 1990s working at this or that company or a bit later at various and sundry Linux and open source companies. So it’s been rather quiet and I’ve had the time to consider these friends, their meaning to me and my meaning to them, and what it all means if anything at all. I also know I’m not good friendship material so perhaps it colors my observations. Just a few things though occur to me. Maybe you have a different milieu. If you do it’s good! I don’t. I’m stuck with the old one.

  1. My friends on Facebook are or have been important to me. At some point though I felt they fell away. Perhaps I fell away. Hard to say.
  2. I think my friendships have half lives like some kind of relationship radioactive material. It’s hard to find a friendship Geiger counter besides my conscience and soul. Those things are sometimes battered perhaps like Mark Twain remarked.
  3. When I left years ago, many things fell away. People did not readily understand why I would give away everything for the unknown. Friends and acquaintances were incredulous and asked my motivation. I had none. It was the final point below I would refer them.
  4. I left friendships and family not behind but before me. I desired new things in my life. To walk a path even I could not discern. Perhaps the trail filled with brambles and blocks. Maybe sharp turns concealed the view ahead. I think those before spun in their orbits and still do. Work and family. Advancement. Stuff. Things. Moving forward. Their forward has not been mine so we drifted apart or at least separate.

Age I believe has a lot to do with it. It has become increasingly difficult to keep friends that are not Vietnamese. The Vietnamese friends I have from south to north have no half life. Their boundaries of love and friendship and acceptance are all encompassing.

So I think through these things sitting with coffee. I don’t puzzle them. They’ve happened and naught I can do. I text my daughter and tell her I love her. She knows. She also has moved in directions both wanted and not. She does await me to come back for a short time. It will be good to see her.

I leave this in your care. Treat yourself well and find your path. Yours too may be hidden. It’s ok.

November 18, 2020