Sunday Morning Coffee

Welcome to Sunday morning room coffee time. It is a cooler and cloudy morning here in Siem Reap. Quiet times in the city but soon I think the temple next door will become lively. What I love doing in the mornings now is opening the window which for all intent purposes is the window to the world for me. My little part of this world almost at Wat Bo. This Wat is one of the prettiest ones and I think one little side trek I will do one day is show you both Wat Bo and Wat Damnak. Both live on my side of the Siem Reap River. Tomorrow I think will do a little photo walk thing and show the two. Both are open to the public and inside are gardens of tranquility and peace with benches and small green places. Mostly though Buddhist temples are these places to go where one can commune with all the parts of life. When I got the new wrist band though I visited another which is close to the coffee shop I enjoy going to each day. Siem Reap is rich in temples.

Today though my friend J and I meet a few friends here for breakfast down the street and then I will go on my own for a walk. I have never cared for walking with people. It has felt the walk was never mine. I remember walking with my ex-wife when we were in the throes of divorce and the walking became these testaments of pain and endurance. She would complain and bitch and rant at every step about me, the kids, money. Even the dog which rarely did anything to her. So I stopped walking with her before I said something offensive and that would break the spell of walking. Then I found solitude and from then on walking every day became a solitary thing. It persists until now and I don’t care to have company for wherever I go and photos I may take along the way. I do sometimes write a little in Ulysses as I go

It is unfortunate that J will ask to walk with me and I will just often say no and I don’t really care if he understands or not. There is the part of me I can give over to others. Sunday morning breakfast at viva or a coffee stop or chatting at a cafe over a beer. Then there are the things which are not open for community. Walking has become one of them. To be honest, I don’t care much for going out for coffee with people on any day. It becomes an hour of wanting anything else besides sitting with the person. Somehow coffee has become this never ending session much like walking with my ex-wife. There is complaining, enlightening, gossiping, watching Khmer women walk by. I enjoy looking at beautiful Khmer women by the way. Just in my own space and time.

I guess like my daughter would say,

you are not a people person daddy. Don’t worry. I love you anyways

So my Sunday morning cools. Maybe the friendship with J cools too. That’s okay. I’ve found in my years I do not exist for the happiness of others or to make them glad, mad, sorry or any other emotion that they choose to engage in. I think that’s why the going like I have has always been the sole thing for me whether I am writing this morning’s blogpost or gently wending my way down some dirt road in rural Siem Reap.

Sorry I don’t need you along but you are kind of boring and often tell me the same things over and again. You violate my introspection. So I don’t walk and rarely engage with social coffees with people. Breakfast is different. I can go with the best of them and cuss and discuss.

Sunday morning coffee. All the little pieces that won’t fit into their pegs on the board. Like my life. And I never want them all to fit either. Fuck the board and the pieces. I’ll take the coffee and the walking by myself.