rainy day spent in the thrall

Today met friends for coffee and then it rained. So we stayed in Brown Coffee and talked. I met this Khmer woman named L. A mutual friend of a friend. We seemed to hit it off and she laughed at my stupid jokes. Good sign! She smiled a lot and it made life feel warm and cozy and perhaps a little promise of finding someone. Not really looking but it has seemed to me most often I find someone when the search is not on.

Then we had lunch together at this Mexican restaurant and talked more. More about life and L smiles. We laugh together. The rain clouds once heavy disperse and a hesitant sun pokes through.

We all find words to share after eating. I get Ls contact info. She is this other person I see can become someone or not. There is no barrier or bar besides my life being alone and solitary for years.

Mike and I sit at the bridge and I watch those same clouds swirl the sun. Little breezes and reflections dot the day.

The bridge does the best it can do but I wonder about how frail and tender a relationship can be. Things come around and knock silently. Let them in? I don’t know. I sit over an iced latte now and puzzle it. Not good with it all. With people and how to act around them. Especially women. Talk about frailty and tenderness. Perhaps like a long slow ache once felt dearly but after another left me not so noticed. Most often when we look we do not find. But stop a moment.

Then find my rainy day, the monuments, the thrall. Soon I ride home to quiet and perhaps look to see if she messages me. And maybe she does. Or not. Like a friend said,

nothing ventured nothing gained

But what do I need to gain? I’ll puzzle that too on my solitary tuktuk home.

End of story of this Siem Reap day.